he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
