he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
