dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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