i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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