Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
