; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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