What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
