pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
