my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
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He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
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Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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