Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
