My brain says no but my pants say off.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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