thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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