she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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