I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
her vagine was all disorganized.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
