I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
