he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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