i think i have herpe
just one?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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