she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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