is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
