Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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