I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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