Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
