Can i not drive my cunt home
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can't turn off my feet"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
