hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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