bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
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i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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