I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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