I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
