If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
