dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
