Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
