I want to walk on stilts...naked
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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