Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
