Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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