so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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