Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
