We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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