So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
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I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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