my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
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Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
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My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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