id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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