Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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