she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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