Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
