**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
