Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize