i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
