Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
