Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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