Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
