You can't motorboat a personality
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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