hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
