I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
