we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
