YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
