I just pynch a tree in the face
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
