I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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