Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
