I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
