Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
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There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
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Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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