bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
