Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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