3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Will exercising make me less horny?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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