My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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