I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
