im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
