I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
