herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
